The day after I found out Max was sick I was thinking about it the whole way to work... why me, what are we gonna do, what if he doesn't make it, this isn't fair... all of those things were running in mind during that car ride. Then, this song came on the radio. I immediately burst into tears. Why is it that we tend to forget to praise God when we are going through the "rough patches". We pray alot, but forget to praise... Everytime I hear this song I think of my sweet baby boy.. and the line that says "The God that gives and takes away". God is merciful. I've said this before and may have written it on here.. probably have, but God didn't have to give me Max. Sure, it hurts right now, and some days I am plain pissed off about, but in the end.. God didn't have to give me Max, but he did. Would I ever change that? NO WAY!!! I am so grateful for those 9 months and 18 days... God gave me a new reason to praise him, Max. Sure I miss him and am sad that he was taken away, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be praising. In fact, it makes me wanna praise God more than before... what a precious gift I was given, the most perfect gift. I wish I could tell you that the days are getting easier, but they aren't. Every day I wake up and he is the first thing I think about, and then I praise God. :-)
"Praise you in this storm"
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again, I say "Amen,"
and its still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God that gives
And takes away
I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You herd my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can i carry on If I can't Find you
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8 comments:
Sounds like you are in a place of grieving and yet accepting God's sovereignty at the same time. It shows a lot of maturity.
I was so sad when I read that Maxton had died. Since my own granddaughter, Cadenne, was diagnosed with CDH (en utero) back in Sept 2007, we have followed the stories of other CDH babies with interest and prayer. Maxton was one of those babies we prayed for.
When Tricia posted Cadenne's "one year video" (slide show) on her blog, she used Mercy Me's "Bring the Rain." Have you heard it? It fits right with what you're saying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU
Beverly
That CD is STILL in my car from when Noah was born- 2 1/2 years! I listened to that song 10000000s of times & still do often. Still praying for you.
BTW the hair looks great! Glad you got to get pampered! :)
Times I looked back and wondered how I got through - God. Truly that and other people who help pull you up when you are down are what gets us through.
And you are right - we need to also realize that there is a bigger purpose to it all.
Glad you have a song that speaks to you about Maxton!
I can't even begin to tell you how refreshing that post is. ALL children are gifts from God, no matter what, you are so right. Maxton was such a wonderful gift that you were given. Yeah, it does stink that he's no longer here, but just think... He's in Heaven right now, with wings. How awesome is that??? I can never imagine your pain that you're going through, and I hope and pray that I don't have to. But, Ashley, you are handling this with such grace and dignity. When Kamryn was diagnosed, I knew there was a reason why. I didn't know what that reason was, and I may never know. But, God planned it this way.
I wish I could take your pain away. I truly do. But, I pray that your pain gets lighter and lighter as the days pass.
Much Love,
Stephanie
Brooke and *Kamryn's Mommy
You are beautiful on the outside and on the inside. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. God loves you so much.
you don't know me but i've been following your blog for awhile now. i found the link while checking on craig, kristi and kaden one night. watching kaden fight his fight has introduced me to a world in parenting that i never knew existed....cdh.
i think it is awesome that you are praising God even in a time of pain and hurt. how great to know that God giving you maxton was just that, a gift. children are such a beautiful gift too and i think these cdh babies have completely stolen my heart. i cried my eyes out watching your slideshow of maxton. i can only imagine how that must have hurt you and your husband. ever since that moment i have prayed diligently and checked on you every day. i hope that you continue to find more and more peace each day. always look to Him because He has a plan and is in control! and better yet, He loves you more than you'll ever know!
just wanted to introduce myself. :)
Hi. I've been catching up with your posts today. Love the new do and glad you got a good night's sleep. The song you mentioned in this blog was beautiful. Now you have me thinking about Jeff & Sherry Easter's "Praise His Name".
Still prayin' for you.
<3
Your strength and grace are amazing. I do hope you can sleep tonight. You are still in my prayers.
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