19 days

Maxton has now been gone for longer than he was here. I miss my little man and was re-reading part of his journey. I am so sad that he was taken from me but am so thankful to have received the gift of him in the first place. I've had people tell me they wish they could take it all away, but I certainly don't wish that. If I had to do it over, the only thing I would change is the outcome. It's probably hard for people to understand, but I am not sure that I would change Max being diagnosed with CDH. I have so many new people in my life because of it that it is hard to wish that it never happened. I learned so Max from Max in his 18 days, many of it I wouldn't have learned if he didn't have CDH. You may think I am crazy because CDH is what took him from me, but it also brought me so much. So, I think the only thing I would change is still having him here with me. ( catch me on a bad day and I will likely have another, more vulgar opinion of CDH!) :-) Really CDH does suck... and I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I guess I am just trying to say that I am so very thankful of the strangers that are now like family. I know I have crossed paths with so many people on this journey that I would have never met were it for Max. With the birth of one son, we gained a family. Max, though no longer here, will always be a part of this larger family. I know that when some CDH parents think of their children, then think of the others lost, and the others who survived. I know when I think of Max I think about the other stories I have read. The people whose lives have been changed forever because of this horrible birth defect. The lessons that this has all taught me will stay with me forever, and unless you have lost a child you can't really understand. I would never want to take back what happened, but if I could change the ending that certainly would be nice. :-) It's hard to believe he has been gone for 19 days...