PLease light a candle tonight in memory of Maxton and his many angel friends as today is pregnancy and infant loss day! Time is 7pm. Leave your candle burning for an hour. This will creat a wave of candles as one time zone blows theirs out, another will light thiers.
Thanks for participating!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Just an update..
I just wanted to update you all- I have been trying to get pregnant for several months... since probably May. I have also not had a cycle since Maxton was born, so I have taken COUNTLESS pregnancy tests.. all negative. I had a dream/feeling... something.. in June that told me I would get pregnant in September... well, I thought I would get pregnant in September. I was wrong... I did,however, FINALLY start my cycle again!!! :-) Sept. 30th, no less. Thanks God.
Just wanted to update you all since I know many of you know we are "trying" and now hopefully, my cycle will regulate ( I had NEVER missed except one month before I was pregnant) and we can really start trying..
Stay tuned!
Also- happy 7 month birthday to my beautiful son and to his best friend in heaven Kaden- happy 6 month birthday! I know our sons are best friends Kristi! I won't be able to post... nor do I really want to... tomorrow because I am moving out of my parents house and in to our new house- which is conveniently in their back yard! ha! :-)
Just wanted to update you all since I know many of you know we are "trying" and now hopefully, my cycle will regulate ( I had NEVER missed except one month before I was pregnant) and we can really start trying..
Stay tuned!
Also- happy 7 month birthday to my beautiful son and to his best friend in heaven Kaden- happy 6 month birthday! I know our sons are best friends Kristi! I won't be able to post... nor do I really want to... tomorrow because I am moving out of my parents house and in to our new house- which is conveniently in their back yard! ha! :-)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Happy 6 month birthday Max!
My dear sweet Maxton,
Six months ago Mommy was anxiously awaiting your arrival. I was laying in the hospital bed completely terrified and excited at the same time. I knew that your battle against CDH would be very difficult, but you were my rockstar and I knew that you would be able to do it. I remember getting an epidural and being completely terrified that childbirth would hurt.( Mommy got lucky because she didn’t feel a thing. Grandma had to tell me that you had been born!) I remember being upset because my labor wasn’t progressing and being afraid of a c section.I remember being upset that you might be born on 3/4/09 instead of 3/3/09. (silly, I know!) I remember that when the nurse came to check so that they could put in an internal monitor, I was already 10cm dialted! I remember having to wear oxygen and hating it because it was in my way! I remember laying there still waiting to push because we were waiting for the doctors from the children’s hospital. Annie later told me that she heard my doctors announce “delivery in 2” and then a large swarm of doctors came running in. I was terrified at the last moments before you were born because the swoosh, swoosh of your heart monitor wasn’t swooshing near as loud. I remember Grandma telling me you were born and looking up to see you. You were so purple! I had to ask if you were alive because I honestly thought we had already lost you. I remember looking over my knees and watching them clean you. I remember daddy getting up from his seat (he was waiting to watch you be born, but got pretty pale… yeah, daddy almost fainted, but don’t tell him I told you!) and looking at you. He had this sparkle in his eye- something I hadn’t seen before. I remember he and Grandma going over to take pictures of you while the doctors worked on you to get your breathing tube in. I remember daddy coming back and saying you were the absolute most beautiful thing he had ever seen. I remember watching them wheel you away. I remember being terrified that I might not see you alive again. I remember everything that night so vividly. Maxi, you changed my world and I am forever grateful for that one night, the night I turned into your mommy.
I remember the nurse from the NICU coming back to clean up your area while I waited to deliver the placenta (it took about an hour!). I remember that she told me you were a big boy- 8 pounds, 11 ounces! I remember that she said that you were stabilized enough to move you to the children’s hospital instead of the transition nursery and how this was a good thing! I remember going to my room and waiting to hear about you. I remember calling the children’s hospital and trying to get an update before I went to bed, but they didn’t know yet (or couldn’t put me through to someone who did). I fell asleep waiting to hear about you, and when the doctors called at 4am I was terrified because they had told me they would call in 2 hours, so they were 2 hours late! I remember the doctor telling me you were great! I was so relieved, but cautious because I had read many stories about CDH babies. Mommy never let her guard down. She was so worried about losing you. I remember Grandma wheeling me over to look at you- you were sooo beautiful! You looked like the perfect mix between mommy and daddy. You wiggled you toes when I touched them. You were so precious and I immediately loved everything about you. I just knew you were going to make it.
I remember on Day 3, when Mommy was getting ready to be discharged, getting a call saying they may have to put you on ECMO. I was SO upset and scared. I remember signing the ECMO papers and the doctors telling us that it would take about an hour. Twenty minutes later they came to get us- I was TERRIFIED! I was so afraid you were gone. They told us that they were able to stabilize you, but didn’t really expect you to make it- that the next 24 hours, if you had an “episode” there was nothing they could do. That you didn’t qualify for ECMO because of your brain bleed. I remember the look on daddy’s face. I will never forget it. But you proved those doctors wrong! You lived for many days, when they had doubted you would have them. I knew you were my hero. You are and always will be! I will be forever grateful for those days you proved those doctors wrong. In the end when God called you home, mommy didn’t want to let go! Mommy had so many dreams for you, but God had bigger plans. I still don’t know why you can’t be here for your 6 month birthday. Why we can’t be outside playing instead of me standing outside alone at your grave, but I do know that I love you. I will always love you. People will know you. People will love you. You will forever be a part of me and daddy and we will always celebrate your amazing life! Miss you sweetie. I would give anything to kiss your sweet baby face right now and have you giggle and pull on my hair. Happy 6 month birthday!!!! Know that mommy has so many memories of you that she will always cherish on your special days!
Love Always,
Mommy
Six months ago Mommy was anxiously awaiting your arrival. I was laying in the hospital bed completely terrified and excited at the same time. I knew that your battle against CDH would be very difficult, but you were my rockstar and I knew that you would be able to do it. I remember getting an epidural and being completely terrified that childbirth would hurt.( Mommy got lucky because she didn’t feel a thing. Grandma had to tell me that you had been born!) I remember being upset because my labor wasn’t progressing and being afraid of a c section.I remember being upset that you might be born on 3/4/09 instead of 3/3/09. (silly, I know!) I remember that when the nurse came to check so that they could put in an internal monitor, I was already 10cm dialted! I remember having to wear oxygen and hating it because it was in my way! I remember laying there still waiting to push because we were waiting for the doctors from the children’s hospital. Annie later told me that she heard my doctors announce “delivery in 2” and then a large swarm of doctors came running in. I was terrified at the last moments before you were born because the swoosh, swoosh of your heart monitor wasn’t swooshing near as loud. I remember Grandma telling me you were born and looking up to see you. You were so purple! I had to ask if you were alive because I honestly thought we had already lost you. I remember looking over my knees and watching them clean you. I remember daddy getting up from his seat (he was waiting to watch you be born, but got pretty pale… yeah, daddy almost fainted, but don’t tell him I told you!) and looking at you. He had this sparkle in his eye- something I hadn’t seen before. I remember he and Grandma going over to take pictures of you while the doctors worked on you to get your breathing tube in. I remember daddy coming back and saying you were the absolute most beautiful thing he had ever seen. I remember watching them wheel you away. I remember being terrified that I might not see you alive again. I remember everything that night so vividly. Maxi, you changed my world and I am forever grateful for that one night, the night I turned into your mommy.
I remember the nurse from the NICU coming back to clean up your area while I waited to deliver the placenta (it took about an hour!). I remember that she told me you were a big boy- 8 pounds, 11 ounces! I remember that she said that you were stabilized enough to move you to the children’s hospital instead of the transition nursery and how this was a good thing! I remember going to my room and waiting to hear about you. I remember calling the children’s hospital and trying to get an update before I went to bed, but they didn’t know yet (or couldn’t put me through to someone who did). I fell asleep waiting to hear about you, and when the doctors called at 4am I was terrified because they had told me they would call in 2 hours, so they were 2 hours late! I remember the doctor telling me you were great! I was so relieved, but cautious because I had read many stories about CDH babies. Mommy never let her guard down. She was so worried about losing you. I remember Grandma wheeling me over to look at you- you were sooo beautiful! You looked like the perfect mix between mommy and daddy. You wiggled you toes when I touched them. You were so precious and I immediately loved everything about you. I just knew you were going to make it.
I remember on Day 3, when Mommy was getting ready to be discharged, getting a call saying they may have to put you on ECMO. I was SO upset and scared. I remember signing the ECMO papers and the doctors telling us that it would take about an hour. Twenty minutes later they came to get us- I was TERRIFIED! I was so afraid you were gone. They told us that they were able to stabilize you, but didn’t really expect you to make it- that the next 24 hours, if you had an “episode” there was nothing they could do. That you didn’t qualify for ECMO because of your brain bleed. I remember the look on daddy’s face. I will never forget it. But you proved those doctors wrong! You lived for many days, when they had doubted you would have them. I knew you were my hero. You are and always will be! I will be forever grateful for those days you proved those doctors wrong. In the end when God called you home, mommy didn’t want to let go! Mommy had so many dreams for you, but God had bigger plans. I still don’t know why you can’t be here for your 6 month birthday. Why we can’t be outside playing instead of me standing outside alone at your grave, but I do know that I love you. I will always love you. People will know you. People will love you. You will forever be a part of me and daddy and we will always celebrate your amazing life! Miss you sweetie. I would give anything to kiss your sweet baby face right now and have you giggle and pull on my hair. Happy 6 month birthday!!!! Know that mommy has so many memories of you that she will always cherish on your special days!
Love Always,
Mommy
Monday, August 31, 2009
Babies in the Sky
I have been working on a new website:
www.skybabies.blogspot.com
This website is for anyone with an angel. Much like, Carly at www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com, I have this dream where Max is playing in the clouds. I dream that one day the clouds will spell out his name to me. As of yet, this has not happened. I decided that I wanted a picture of Max's name in the sky. Then, I wrote other babies names in the sky- some CDH, some not. I would love to honor your little angel. Please check the site and see if your child's name is on there. I still have these names to do:
Grayton
Ireland
MJ
Caleb
Sophia and Ellie
If you are not on the site and not listed here, please email me or leave a comment and I would be more than happy to make you one.
www.skybabies.blogspot.com
This website is for anyone with an angel. Much like, Carly at www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com, I have this dream where Max is playing in the clouds. I dream that one day the clouds will spell out his name to me. As of yet, this has not happened. I decided that I wanted a picture of Max's name in the sky. Then, I wrote other babies names in the sky- some CDH, some not. I would love to honor your little angel. Please check the site and see if your child's name is on there. I still have these names to do:
Grayton
Ireland
MJ
Caleb
Sophia and Ellie
If you are not on the site and not listed here, please email me or leave a comment and I would be more than happy to make you one.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Change CDH
Change CDH is a fundraiser that I am doing to benefit Parker Reese Foundation. PRF is a non profit organization based out of North Carolina that provides a home to CDH families delivering at Duke and UNC. they also provided us with tons of support during Max's life and after his death. They sent a beautiful arrangement to his funeral that made me cry when I received it. I am so proud to be a part of this foundation.
Change CDH involves collecting your loose change to help PRF! Simply put, I would like everyone to collect their change until October 31st (or you can keep it going forever!) and take the change to the bank and then write PRF a check for that amount. Pretty simple. If you would like to get others involved you can put a jar on your desk at work or anywhere for that matter. You may think that change doesn't matter, but my family has collected over $100 in the past couple of months! $16 sponsors one family per night, so change can definately make a difference!
Thanks to those who are willing to participate. I plan to do several fundraisers over the next few months (years, etc) so I understand not everyone can participate, but I would love to know who is participating! :-) Please help us CHANGE CDH!!!!
Change CDH involves collecting your loose change to help PRF! Simply put, I would like everyone to collect their change until October 31st (or you can keep it going forever!) and take the change to the bank and then write PRF a check for that amount. Pretty simple. If you would like to get others involved you can put a jar on your desk at work or anywhere for that matter. You may think that change doesn't matter, but my family has collected over $100 in the past couple of months! $16 sponsors one family per night, so change can definately make a difference!
Thanks to those who are willing to participate. I plan to do several fundraisers over the next few months (years, etc) so I understand not everyone can participate, but I would love to know who is participating! :-) Please help us CHANGE CDH!!!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Prayers please!
Just a quick note to ask for you to please, please pray for Ireland and Max (Maximus). They are both on ECMO now and need prayers!!! Links to their blogs are on the right.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
