Pregnant/ 4 Months

Let me start this off by saying.. no, I am not pregnant. A year ago today, I found out that David and I would become parents. Little did I know, just how much our lives would change. I had taken off of work for some prebirthday pampering (my birthday is on the 6th) and drove David to work and went to get my hair colored. It had been years since I had gotten my hair colored, but I decided to just do it. I came home, made my hair look all cute, and then went back to work to get get David. We went to Fazolli's for dinner. We were planning what we would do for the weekend as my parents were coming down the next day and would stay through my birthday. I was super excited. I am not a big drinker, but was hoping to get a nice big margarita. :-) Anyways, I knew I should have started my period about 2 days before, but sometimes I am a couple of days late. I talked with David and we decided to stop and get a pregnancy test on the way home just to be safe. We weren't really trying to get pregnant, but we weren't not trying either... Anyways, came home and took the test. It said "pregnant". I was thinking wiat... what!? I told David. He said- "no way, you read it wrong." I said- "It's the one with the words". Freaked out a little.. got super excited, then tried to figure out if we should wait to tell our parents until we were all together, or just tell them. Of course, I called my mom... she wasn't home. Called my grandmas looking for my mom. She had just left there. Grandma could tell something was up, but I didn't tell her. Finally got in touch with mom and told her. :-) Then we called David's parents and told them too. Then I took another test just to make sure. :-) Went out the next day and bought another test to take it also. All said pregnant... very quickly I might add.

In hindsight maybe the universe was trying to tell me something as my mom had appendicitis that weekend. They came here, even though they shouldn't have. She thought she had her appendix out when they removed her gall bladder. She was here Friday through Sunday in pain, but still went out to celebrate with us. Her appendix burst sometime on Sat. (most likely) She went to the hospital where she works as an RN on Monday and looked up her records. Confirmed she had an appendix still and then informed them that it burst on Sat. Praise God that he let her live through all of that.

My pregnancy was not an easy one, to say the least. Every appt. except for one I was told "bad news". It started in July- Sept (when we had a CVS) then the one normal appt (liekly because it was the only one that didn't contain an ultrasound), then the CDH diagnosis in Oct.

Anyways, sorry for the rambling. The last year has been crazy. It has been so profound in reshaping my life. Today my sweet baby would be four months old.. or a year old, depending on how you look at it. I miss him so incredibly much. I see 4 month old and wonder if their parents realize all they have been given. I wonder what my sweet baby would be doing.

The question people keep wondering is if we are trying again. I would like to say that we are... but I have yet to have a cycle. It has been 17 weeks and nothing. I have called my doctor (about a month ago) and was told to call back in August. I talked them into letting me call back in 4 weeks instead. So, this week I will be calling to schedule an appt. I feel like I need to be pregnant again in the near future. I feel like each day that passes without a cycle I start to get more down, wondering what is wrong. I am so worried that I will never be able to have another baby. It terrifies me. I have taken several pregnancy tests (like at least 10) because I am always wondering... what if? The nurse at my OBGYN said "well you've been under a lot of stress so that is likely why you havent had a cycle" and I said " i think not haveing a cycle is causing me stress". Hopefully, they will agree to see me this time.

To end this post on a positive note, I am soooo excited to be meeting Kristi and Craig, angel Kaden's parents, this week- on Monday! I think it will be great to meet a family that I feel so close to throughout this. Kaden was born 3 months ago today, one month after Max. He also passed away one day short of a month after Max. Whenever I think of Max on his special days I am always thinking of Kaden too. I can't wait to meet his awesome parents. Happy 3 month birthday Kaden!!! I know that you and Maxton are keeping each other company in heaven and know that your mommies wish we were able to be spending time with you here instead!!