I have been so stressed lately about moving to Kentucky. Not because I don't want to, but because I was supposed to be there with Maxton. But he is not here. It simply stinks- big time. I was up on my soap box tonight wondering why bad things happen to good people. I have a friend back home in KY who is watching her son slowly go to heaven as we speak. He has cancer. His parents are WONDERFUL people who adopted him and loved him much more than many parents love their children. He is their son and soon he will be in heaven with my Max. Jennifer- if you are reading this, I so admire your family. You were such a source of strength for me during my CDH journey, and I don't know if you ever even knew it.
Anyways, back to what I am saying- why do bad things happen to good people? I think it is because if we were bad people, would we even care. Would we feel half the emotions that we have all felt? I hope this doesn't come across as me saying I am better than others, and I hope that it makes sense. But, I guess I am trying to say that we care so much because we are good people. God chooses us because he knows that we will put all we have into it- all of our feelings, all of our love. I am sure that he has many other reasons. But tonight, for me, something about that thought clicked. God knew that I would love Max more than any one else ever could... and that is "why me?" He knew that I was perfect for Max and he was perfect for me. And that is all I need to know about it..
On another note- please visit :http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjamensaigesnyder
Please pray for Benjamen and read some of his story if you have time.
Our Family Blog
Babies in the Sky
Visit Babies in the Sky to have your childs name written in the sky
Our Little Hoss
About Me
- Maxton's Mommy
- David and I have been married since May 28th, 2005. We were blessed with a child, Maxton, born on 3/3/09 with left sided CDH. Maxton fought for 18 days before earning his wings. We are so proud of our little warrior and cannot wait to see him again one day. In the meantime we are learning how to live life as childless parents. We have a great dog, named Charley, who we treat like a child. :-) I am a mental health case manager working with adults with severe and persistent mental illness. David works at Walgreens Pharmacy.
Proud Parents
Maxton's Big Brother- Charley Dog
11 comments:
I am so with you on the "why me". I don't find it selfish or anywhere near to you sounding superior to others. I've been struggling with this myself lately. ...not only for my CDH baby but it seems this is just a time in my life when things are not lining out just so. ...I can't imagine the feelings that you have dealt with just in the past few months! I've also seen the beautiful work you've done for other angels and I'm just really impressed with you. ....keep being true to yourself and I imagine that great things are just around the corner for you. ....once again, I'm writing all scatter brained but after reading about Kamryn's truly impressive short CDH journey and seeing how Candice (baby Jackson) is about to begin their journey, and mine is 3 weeks away, and you've dealt with so much...well, feel somewhat excused for thoughts and emotions being all over the place. Impressed that I don't have full blown acne. Anywho, I try to keep up with everyone and wanted you to know you're still there in my thoughts and prayers. Chanda
Ashley,
You are right on with your thoughts. I feel what you are writing. In fact, I'm posting a link to your blog on my blog. Hope that is okay. I found your words very inspirational!
Ashley we think that too, I think sometimes that is all we can do, why was our precious so taken from us? He didn't deserve to go through what he did...Hugs
Awesome post Ashley! I think you nailed it.
Shawn
AMEN!!!
I have never thought about it that way, but I think you are right...maybe I need to start being bad;)
xx,
Tina
One of my consumers emails me daily with inspirational quotes. Here's the one she sent today:
"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up." --Vince Lombardi
Hey there,
The why me. I think one of the very biggest parts of this problem is that we try to wrap our brains around God. We cannot, because he is infinitely bigger than we can ever be...and loves us endlessly. Beyond that, trying to justify or understand can sometimes only hurt. Last night i was reading my bible in the tub (haha), and this verse hit me hard, and i saved it. Maybe it was meant for you? It's in Jeremiah chapter 17:5-8..." But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit". Be encouraged. :)
Hi Ashley! I have tagged you. Please visit my blog: www.livingwithoutsophiaandellie.blogspot.com for all the info. The topic is "What Makes You Happy." I think it might be good for all of us to focus on some happy things for a little bit!
Much Love,
Tina
Ashley,
I think you nailed it, too. Often, I think - surely God knew Grayton would be loved by her mom and earthly dad, as well as the rest of the family, more than anything else. She was already prepared for His love when he came down and got her. Coincidentally, because of her, I feel God's love all around me more than ever.
I know getting the autopsy reports had to be so difficult for you. We didn't even have one done on Grayton (which now I kind of regret). But your strength prevails and is shown by the post you wrote 2 days later.
I'm truly inspired by you.
Leigh, mom to Grayton RCDH 5/9/08 - 6/22/08
I have just discovered your blog from "Lil Blue Boo" blog, my name is Leah and I live in Australia. My daughter Fallon was born with a left sided congential diagraphmatic hernia on March 27th 2003. I had 4 ultra -sounds while I was pregnant with her and her CDH went un-diagonised.Fallon is our miricale, is a now a healthy 6 yr old who just started school this year, she had her repair surgery at 15 months old, her left kidney had rotated and plugged her hole in the diagrapham, which saved her life. She was a very sick baby and no one could tell us what was wrong until she was 8 months and it took a long time of tests and illness eposides to finally have her repair done. We are so very lucky to have her and I am very sad to hear about your little man. We are thinking of you and and family.
Leah
mum to Jake 12, Britt 10, Laine,8 and Fallon 6
leahmcclelland@bigpond.com
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