Update

It's been forever since I have updated here. I just wanted to let everyone know that Gatlin Grant Standifer was born 4 weeks ago on 9/10/10 at 7:49am. He weighed 9lbs. 4 oz. and was 23 in. long. He was born 18 days early... the same number of days his brother lived. I found that interesting.

Since Gatlin has arrived, life has been good, but he does make me miss Maxton more. I can't believe my Max would be 19 months old now! I wonder how he would be with his brother. We have already been telling Gatlin about his angel brother. I am sure he will grow up knowing about Maxton and loving him just as we do. I posted Gatlin's birth story and some pictures on our family blog. Please feel free to visit it!

www.ourstandiferfamily.blogspot.com

Will Max have a brother or sister?

We had an ultrasound on Sat, at 15 weeks, to see if they could tell the sex of the baby. We are fairly certain Maxton will have a little.... BROTHER!!!! Let me know what you think!

I am excited. We will have an ultrasound in May to confirm this and more importantly to make sure the little one is healthy! We are planning to name him Gatlin Grant!

In other news, I have decided to start a new blog about our life. I do not want to continue to post about this pregnancy here as I want this blog to be used for CDH awareness and to be seen by families who need it. Our new blog is- www.ourstandiferfamily.blogspot.com

Please visit the new blog for updates about the pregnancy and our lives. I plan to only post things related to Max and CDH here.

Thanks for checking in on us!

Happy birthday baby boy!!!

A year ago tonight, my Maxton was born. This time a year ago, I was in the hospital anxiously awaiting my fighters arrival and watching The Biggest Loser. :-) I was terrified that I would be in the position I am in today. When he was born, he did not cry. He was such a shade of purple, that I was scared. But, after some work and ventiallation he pinked up and looked pissed that he was no longer safe inside mommy... and frankly, I was upset too! He was beautiful. I only saw him for a few minutes from across the room while the team of doctors worked on him (he seriously had like 10 people all to himself!)... but he was beautiful. He was then taken to be stabilized... I was taken to my room and waited for them to call. They were supposed to call in about and hour and a half to let us know his status. He was born at 11:30... we didn't hear from anyone until about 4am. I would have been worried, but I had fallen asleep. They called and told he was doing great! I was skeptical, but excited... and my mom took me to officially meet my little man. He was sooo big. Much bigger than I expected... He looked so much like me. I loved him sooooo much and was so worried that he wouldn't be here today.

Happy birthday little man!!! Mommy will never forget the day you were born- one of the days that changed her life forever.

Big Brother Maxton!

So, we found out on Friday that we are expecting again! Tentative due date is Sept. 25th. I am very excited, yet terrified all at the same time. :-)

We decided to go ahead and share the news with everyone because we could certainly use the prayers and good thoughts. I know that our newest "soybean" (because he was conceived using soy- if you are having trouble getting pregnant, let me know because I am confident the soy helped...) has the best group of angels watching over him. i don't know what God's plan for this pregnancy is, but I pray that come Sept. we will be bringing home a beautiful baby! I just wanted to share our good news with you all so that you can call be praying....

I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year"

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
with tiny lights like heaven stars
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
O', the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you
of the joy their voices bring
for it's beyond description
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
but, through our memories so dear..
We're never far apart.

I can't tell you of the splendor
or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas
with Our Savior.......face-to-face.

I'll ask him to light your spirit
As I tell him of your Love.
Then I'll pray for 'One another'
As you lift your eyes above.

So please let your heart be joyful
and let your spirit sing
for I'm spending Christmas in heaven
and I'm walking with the king.

Update

Today it has been 9 months since saying goodbye. Lately, I find myself missing him more. I think this is in part due to the holidays. I LOVE Christmas. I am a Christmas person. I cannot wait to decorate and shop and just simply love being with family. (that doesn't sound very "true meaning", but I love that part too!) This year... it's just not right. He is missing. I should have a child to buy for. He should be here in our Christmas picture. He should be wearing the cheesy cute snowman outfit I bought for him last year when it was on clearance... He should be enjoying his first Christmas. 9 months is the perfect age! Still a baby, but old enough to enjoy it... It's simply not fair! Instead of buying gifts for my baby, I bought things to take to his grave. I am angry and bitter. I feel stupid to have thought that he would be here... I knew he was sick, yet I bought all these things for him last year... and now they sit in our house. A reminder of lost dreams.

I am also upset that I have not been able to successfully conceive again. At this point, it seems like getting pregnant is going to take some time... my horomones are still not normal and are not conducive to a pregnancy. I am going to the doctor to discuss this, but am not sure what to do. I've been taking some natural supplements, so we will see how that works this month,... but to be honest, I am not expecting anything. I keep telling myself that if I am not pregnant by Max's first birthday, I will likely be buying for David only next Christmas too.... my heart is broken and I simply don't know how to fix it...

And the winner's are...

First of all, I didn't realize just how blessed I would be by participating! I wish I could send you all paintings. If anyone decides they really want one, I would be more than happy to make you one for $10. This will cover the cost, plus mailing, and extra will be donated to a CDH organization, The Parker Reese Foundation. Just email me at Ashleynaye@aol.com.

Anyways, the first winner was randomly chosen by random.org. The first winner is Jamie W, comment number 11!

The other two winners are winners that are not so random... they are Maxton's special days.

Candice Beal- comment number 3... because Maxton's birthday is 3/3/09
and
Lost for Words- comment number 18... because Maxton lived for 18 days with me before going to heaven.


Congrats you guys!!! :-) Please email me or leave a comment here so I can get in touch with you.

Much love to all my new friends during this difficult time. I will be visiting your blogs in the coming days and praying for you families. Thank you for stopping by.